“Saying YES to happiness means learning to say NO to things and people that stress you out.” – Dr. Thema Bryant
I had a conversation with a leader recently that seemed very normal. We were discussing the coming year and talking through opportunities, challenges, etc. This leader had a number of extremely valuable things on their to-do list, things that, if accomplished, could make 2025 a truly great year.
Then we started talking about how they were going to get it all done, and the conversation lost steam. The leader was listing all the things that were going to get in the way of all that great stuff. By the end, it sounded almost hopeless.
Eventually, we got back some level of optimism, but something struck me a few days later. As they were talking about all the things that would get in the way, they kept using the phrase “I have to”, as in “I have to do X, and I have to do Y, and I have to do Z”, and so on.
But did they really “have to”? How many times do we push aside valuable, energizing, fantastic things because of stuff we “have to” do? And how many of those “have to” things really are necessary?
I would argue that a huge percentage of the things we fill our time with, things we say we “have to” do, really aren’t mandatory. We do them because they’re comfortable, or because we think someone else expects us to do them, or we think people will judge us in some kind of negative way if we don’t do them.
But what would happen if we didn’t do those things? In more cases than we’d like to admit, nothing would happen at all. So much of what we’re filling our time with isn’t stuff that really matters to us or our success. It isn’t stuff that moves us down the path we’re supposed to be on. It’s stuff other people demand, or at least we think they do.
Stop living that way. If some of the “have to” things that get in the way are truly mandatory, then figure out a way to get them done while spending the least amount of your energy possible. Start saying NO to things that aren’t moving you down the path you’re supposed to tread. Say YES to fewer and fewer things, and only those things that truly make a difference.
If you want different outcomes, you have to act differently. Don’t keep doing the same, tired things. Focus on what really matters, and make this year different than the last.
